Sunday, May 27, 2018

Status Update

This blog, like all of the ones I have written before, has experienced a period of silence recently. Just like those old blogs, the reason I have not posted anything new is that I have been preoccupied with living life. I will say it is very hard to write about a life when all you are doing is writing. Those quiet pauses (hopefully) are filled with inspiring experiences which fuel my inner narrator and makes it easier to put my fingers to the keys.
When I wrote Emotional Integrity I was thinking about how much had changed for me emotionally. I kept that post so very vague and generalized in order to broadcast something that I was hoping a few people would pick up on to prevent hurt feelings. This failed FANTASTICALLY as my secret evil plans are want to do.
Let me speak to this specifically. I know, for a fact, that I am going to hurt some feelings here. It is what it is.
I was very, very wrong about Ashley. If you are reading through my old posts after she left me there are some unkind things I have said about her. I made the choice to post those blogs here (for the most part. There are a few that I have edited or even opted not to post) because I like the legacy of my writing. My older work is a bit like traveling back in time through the filter of my mind to a angrier and less grammatically polished David. (Who am I kidding? Grammatically polished isn’t even accurate with poetic license) The subject of my pain since 2014 has been the absence of Ashley. It fueled an entire novel concept (which I am still developing).
During all of those posts Ashley and I weren’t in contact. I didn’t know both sides of the story because of this. I didn’t have a way to know that her choice to leave me caused her as much, if not more, pain than it caused me. In my ignorance, I didn’t even stop to consider this fact. All of my hypothesizing about the why behind her choices were completely wrong. I will go so far as to say if she had talked to me honestly about what was in her head and heart at that time we would have made it all work out.
Ashley came back into my life when I really needed people to be there for me. She did it knowing that she hurt me and my family in her leaving. It takes a very brave and strong person with incredible integrity and heart to put themselves aside to be there for someone. Ashley and my in laws (and that is what they are. She may have divorced me, but those will ALWAYS be my family) have been amazing with all that we are going through. Seeing my posts dogging her makes me feel very ashamed. That is why this confession matters.
On a related note, as Ashley and I have gotten to be close again, I have found out a bunch of folks were telling lies about us. The situation may be 4 years old, but my anger there is daisy fresh. Quite a bit of pain and frustration needs to be answered for. The good news is I am a grown adult and know the proper way to handle things like this. Hehehe
That situation has certainly made me think carefully before I talk about people on here. Elizabeth may never speak to me again. Her leaving, to me, is even less understandable than I thought Ashley’s was in 2014. My Mom hadn’t just died then. I wasn’t having to carefully jump through hoops to try and get my daughter back home. Perhaps my stress could be excused given circumstances. Still, Elizabeth has her reasons so I don’t want to blast her too much. The day may come that we try to be friends again. It sucks having to account for saying things that you only mean temporarily because of the situation. It is better to be a mature adult and not lay out too much garbage online.
I don’t really talk much about my job for a similar reason. I don’t get paid to write about what I do for a living. I keep my blog free of work related information. I will say this much. I am doing a really cool internship that MAY result in a good promotion. It certainly is a chance to learn about the company, the position, and grow in my career.
Oddly enough this means spending less time at work rather than more. I am going to be filling some of my extra hours with a second job (once I find a good one), but I also am trying to get back to putting in time with family and friends. I am going to write more. I am going to pursue things that interest me.
My biggest interest lately has been riding a motorcycle. On my birthday I bought a new-to-me Honda CBR250R from Honda of Knoxville. It is a beautiful and oddly patriotic little bike.
I have not had much of a chance to get out and ride Sharon because she had a mechanical problem the night I bought her. Before I get deeper into my early thoughts on the bike let us talk about that experience!
I will be buying bikes (whenever possible) from Honda of Knoxville from this point forward. My poor little CBR250R started knocking the night I bought her. I was certain that she had some major trouble. I texted my salesman and let him know.
Travis couldn’t have been better about it. He asked me to bring the bike back and let service check her over. I carefully rode her back to the dealership the next day. She remained there 24 days.
That is no bad thing! Honda of Knoxville stripped the CBR250R apart and kept digging until they found the issue. They had parts shipped and then rebuilt the bike. None of this cost me a dime. The bike ended up with a complete new high side, and all I had to do was be patient.
Travis kept me up to date on the issues during the entire experience. He was informative, kind, and kept promising that everything would be made right. Most of all he delivered exactly what he promised. I really plan to do (most) of my business there for motorcycles.The only reason I say most is I want a Kawasaki KLR650.
I have ridden Sharon Carter twice. Yes, I named my motorcycle after the Marvel comic book character. She is both a S.H.I.E.L.D agent and Captain America’s girlfriend. With my helmet and the patriotic paint scheme, it makes sense to me.
Sharon and Irene and just very different girls despite being the same size and shape. The Kawasaki (Irene Law- named after Ryu Hyabusa’s girlfriend from the Ninja Gaiden video game series) seems to have a higher top end speed. It will pull 95 mph. So far I have only gotten Sharon up to about 85 mph.
Let me be 100% clear here. I have no practical need to go either of these speeds. For purposes of my commute or even for my weekend day trips, I normally never need to do 75 mph. Both bikes meet my need for speed on the practical end. One of the reasons I chose the 250 (Irene is a Ninja 250r) is that it is a good size for a beginning rider. The engine limits my upper end and is effectively smarter than me. One day I would love to have a Ducati Monster level of bike, but I am not that rider yet.
I learned to ride on Irene. Innately, I struggle with change. Just the fact that Sharon holds my attention speaks highly of her. There is plans for a nice long ride this weekend. I will post a true initial review of her once I get back.
My gaming life is in shambles. I haven’t played a board game in a month…maybe two. I no longer have a gaming group. Role playing is a fantasy (ha!) for the future. There is little hope of this improving without a change in cast of my life. All my old gamer friends have become Facebook casual friends. I don’t think they hate me (mostly), but they aren’t beating down my door to play any games or even just to hang out. I have even considered starting to get back into Magic the Gathering and play competitively at FNM, but that is one addiction I am probably better off without.
I spend most of my free time that isn’t on the back of a motorcycle with my nose in a book or a comic book. I do need to update my pull list on the website. There are several titles I have added. I also need to go back to regularly reading Previews.
On the recording front, I have decided to delay my entrance back into the podcasting world. I have a concept (which is what prompted me to post this site). I have several episode ideas. I also have a really nice new microphone that my daughter bought me for my birthday.
I have decided to delay for two reasons. First, I have a strong belief that to be a good writer you need to be a great reader. By that logic, if I want to create great podcasts I should be listening to podcasts. Currently, I don’t listen to any. I am going to change that.
Secondly, I want to upgrade my equipment. I want to buy a newer laptop. I want to buy a couple of different cameras. If I am going to have a multi format web presence, I want to do it up right.

I also question if I am spreading myself too thin. Is it better to do many things well or do a couple with excellence? I haven’t been developing my fiction nearly as much. I have all but stopped video gaming (I don’t mind this). I suspect that board gaming and role play may start to slide toward a cessation due to lack of exposure. All of this weighs on my mind. Eventually, I will figure it out. There are only so many hours in the day and only so many days in a life. I am trying to spend all of mine wisely.

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