Thursday, June 28, 2018

Abandoning Pretense

There is a fundamental difference between what most people claim they want to do and what they actually are willing to put the work in to accomplish. I certainly fall into this heading under most people. I am full of big ideas and the bluster to sound really excited and engaged with them. When the rubber meets the road though, in some cases, I am just not willing to enforce the discipline required to bring these ideas out of my head and into the world.
Today I have committed to changing my life. Rather than scattering myself between a host of different things I am going to embrace the things I am actually willing to see through to fruition. I have done various things over the years as commitment indicators. When it is time to talk about losing weight I will buy new work out gear, a gym bag, and a gym membership, but I never really walk through door of the gym.
One of the things I did to commit to getting back to recording a podcast was start my own website. I didn't just maintain a blog on blogger. I purchased a domain, I purchased hosting, I worked up a design, and then I spent two months blogging just like I did on blogger. I did this while paying monthly hosting fees. That is just the worst kind of ineffectual stupidity. It is also wasteful. I don't like being stupid or wasteful. Because of that this post is a more realistic move. Why pay for a website to blog when there is a perfectly acceptable (and free) solution I have used for years?
I am going to apply this thinking to all of my life. The first part of that is assessment. Am I honestly working on my writing right now or do I like to romanticize the notion that I will some day? If I am honest, I haven't developed my writing in months. My focus is on other things. While I am analyzing everything I expect to make a whole host of changes to my life with the goal of being honest about my willingness to do things. I certainly spend a lot of time lying to myself. It is long past time that changes. It will save me a ton of time, money, and emotional friction.
Here is what I have figured out I am changing thus far:
I am not pursuing a podcast. My idea is neat, but I don't really have the passion for it. I am taking down the website and moving all of the written content back to my blog. This saves me money. It saves me feeling like I am failing at not doing something I felt a strange sense of obligation to do. Funny how the human brain works.
I am done collecting board games. I have already sold off some of the bulk stuff I had that were only sitting around collecting dust. Next I am going to eliminate the games I never play. If a game is on my shelf I actively enjoy it and I have people willing to play it with me. Those last two conditions will probably purge the majority of my sentimental favorites. This will save me money and space.
I am giving up bread and potatoes. This eliminates most of the options of eating fast food. This will save me money and it will also help me to continue losing weight. I have made a ton of progress. I can celebrate my victory by doubling down my commitment to myself. I am very willing to make this change.
I am done lying to myself. I am making a genuine effort to live with my own reality. We don't live a world of should or want. We live in a world of am and is. I am embracing reality with all her faults and blemishes and taking her as my lady.
Riding and hiking. Adventures are very important to me. I am investing more into doing things with my motorcycle that also have a physical benefit. I think I am going to spend a dedicated bit of time to hiking all the trails around the area. Getting to them on Sharon Carter is just a bonus.
 Here are some changes I am considering:
Getting rid of most all of my hard copy books. I prefer the portability of digital. I also like not having to house the books. The exception to this is my strategy/ self help books. It is valuable to have reference material.
Cutting back or stopping reading comics. This one I really struggle with. On the one hand it is a huge expense. On the other I get a lot of pleasure out of reading comics and discussing them. In fact, I have a really fun idea for a blog post about art vs. story. This one will be a debate.
Getting into a very minimalist lifestyle. This one has everything to do with keeping life simple. I hate sorting through things. My DVD collection has become the family library. Most of my fiction collection has been given to my oldest daughter. I want to have the basics covered and not have more than I need. Clutter is not my friend.
That list could go on and on. I often think of abandoning video games. I think about turning off Netflix and Hulu. I have never regretted cutting cable. It seems that each time I have focused and become more dedicated in my life I have seen an improvement in the quality of my living. I think casting aside any pretense about who I think I should be and who I want to be and focus on being at peace with who I am will have a tremendous impact on my happiness and satisfaction.
Isn't that what life is all about?

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