Skip to main content


Showing posts from July, 2019

The Purpose of Pain

I came to a realization thanks to a few lines of fiction. Jim Butcher, author of the Dresden Files, in his book Changes sets a scene where Harry is pounding a few shots back at McAnally's pub in the wake of finding out that he has a daughter and that she has been kidnapped by vampires. Mac, a Silent Bob like character who never speaks, breaks character and tells Harry something to the effect of," You are headed into the Badlands, Harry. This will show you what principles you will cast aside and which ones you won't cross." This is paraphrase is very intentional. If you want to get the actual wisdom from the character's mouth please read the book.
This is my 4th read of Changes. That bit of wisdom did not stick in my memory before today. The reason it resonates so deeply now is because I have come to a place in life where I understand it. Jim Butcher did not know when he wrote those words that one day they would help me to gain a deeper understanding of my place …


As far back as I can remember I have had horrible nightmares. I believe I have written about this before and about the changes that happened in my dreams. As a kid I remember waking up screaming from being chased and caught by eldritch, cosmic beasts of unknown origin. I never knew why they were chasing me. I woke too many times as I slid into the tentacled maw of some half seen horror.
Those dreams were all the more awful for having no real world connection or context. Running from a werewolf, Jason from Friday the 13th, or Frankenstein's Monster might have been comforting or even made a little bit of sense. Even though I was not allowed to watch horror movies as a kid (nor did I have any desire) I saw plenty of advertisements and box art at the video store. Besides we had cable and it was easy to stumble across a slasher flick unintentionally. I never was haunted by anything rational or that I could relate to a real world exposure. This would lead me to theorize the dreamscape…

Here we go again with my issues.

The whole process of setting back up my website has been one of personal insight and growth. I am seeing my own patterns. I wrote my first blog post 06/29/2005. I need to remember to celebrate 15 years of blogging next year, but I need to not look too closely at the amount of content I have produced in that time.
I started my blog on I have to admit that I have some strange brand loyalty to blogger because of that. I have tried having multiple blogs. I have moved everything off of blogger and published my own site. I have torn the site down and moved back to blogger. Now I am going back to my own site. This time I have a larger plan than just my blog. The plan is big enough to justify bouncing things back to my own hosting.
The big plan this go round is to put most all of my little projects under one roof. I want to keep blogging. I want to post content for a couple of podcasts. I want to have a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons index, book reviews, and reference guide t…