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Showing posts from August, 2019

Stages of Being an Adult

I mowed the grass today. Mowing our big front yard is a great time to pause, reflect, and formulate inspiration for my writing. I also sneeze a lot and deepen my farmer's tan.
While I was mowing I got a text from Whitneigh that said," It feels good to pay the bills." I pondered this a few seconds and agreed. Yes, at this stage of my life having the bills paid is extremely satisfying. I spent the next several rotations around the yard reflecting that this wasn't always so. I know that there are few universal experiences. Maybe my journey is unusual, maybe it isn't.
I moved out with Taila's Mom a bit before my eighteenth birthday. We moved into a house my parents owned. I didn't pay for anything except my phone bill for the house landline. My parents footed the electric bill and we didn't pay any rent. We had a mostly free ride.
Stupidly, we moved into an apartment. My bills increased to rent, electric bill, phone bill, and cable bill. I paid them. I…


I am depressed. I have been depressed. More importantly I am judging myself harshly for being depressed when so many things are going my way. I "won" so why am I not happy now? Am I snatching defeat from the jaws of victory?
To answer my own question I probably am. I successfully got custody of my daughter. She has been home a couple of weeks and life with her back is pretty darned sweet. I just cannot shake the feeling of the other shoe being about to drop.
Logic says that my mental and emotional systems grew so accustomed to being under extreme stress for that past eighteen months that it will take some significant time for me to relax and adjust to a new normal. In the meantime, I have gotten her signed up and attending school. She is making big strides daily toward things normalizing for her. It is magnificent. I feel like a complete idiot for not being able to breathe and celebrate her return properly.
I function. I am working. I think I am doing a decent job at work.…