Saturday, October 19, 2019

Deja Vu

I have sat down and written the introduction post to my blog at least 5 times. The first blog, I don't even remember what I titled it, started with a poorly explained story of a possum falling through the ceiling of my house and the adventure that followed. I didn't write an introduction. I did a spastic retelling of the events of the previous night and posted a bunch of pictures because I didn't think anyone would believe me without evidence. What followed was a few years of opinion pieces, writing exercises (including violent poetic imagery- a project for a writing class), and finally a trickle off into silence.

My second blog was called Knoxville Knights. It was an attempt to blog a series of fictional short stories with a urban fantasy theme. I posted maybe 6 or 7 posts before getting bored with it and taking it down. I wish I could claim it had some value. In truth, it was a very masturbatory exercise in telling myself a story. I think maybe 2 or 3 of my friends ever even knew it existed.

I resurrected the blog on blogger a few more times going through titling it Flawed Perception before settling on About five years ago my blog took on a more strategic or philosophical tone. I was still offering up my askew view of the world, but I had a tendency to couch it in broader terms. This hit a climax when I took the blog off of blogger and onto my very own website. I got tired of paying for that pretty quickly. I moved back to blogger. Then I had a bright idea of having a philosophy driven podcast and I decided to launch back to the website.

The best part of that experience was purchasing the URL. I pulled all of the saved information on my old blogs and posted them again completely unedited. That came back to haunt me fairly quickly. Emotions are highly situational and the views and opinions expressed were not anywhere near up to date. I have been blogging for 14 years at this point. It isn't fun to get judged for something taken out of context. That is even less fun when someone attacks you for something you wrote in 2006. After finding out people were judging me harshly, wrongly, and unfairly for things I had written years before it wasn't too big a leap to pull down that website too. God help anyone who dislikes me so much that they need to dig for dirt on me on the Internet. It is a waste of time. I am really not that interesting or controversial.

Meanwhile, Garin and I got back to doing our comic book podcast. Funny thing, reading comic books can be time consuming. Researching for a podcast can also be time consuming. Writing a blog takes a bit of time and effort. Maintaining a website, well, that takes time too For the past few months I didn't feel any real need to maintain a blog. My work with comics was enough. I would love for your to check it out. The podcast can be found on Spreaker, iTunes, and probably a few other places. It is certainly a labor of love for me and I think we do a nice job. Just don't expect bumper music just yet.

Writing this feels good. I get a lot of enjoyment out of broadcasting my thoughts out into the universe. I guess I am even flattered if you hate me and you are reading this to try and find ways to screw with me. There is a thin love between love and hate. Some of you reading this might be surprised to hear that there are people out there who hate me enough to hang on my every word. This isn't ego or paranoia. I have real  enemies. They aren't content to just pray for my downfall I have enough respect for them to be aware of them and take the threat they represent seriously. I have a hard time really caring about them though. In the words of Taylor Swift," Haters gonna hate,hate, hate hate." I do appreciate them increasing my views count though. It is a shame they never leave comments. I dream of interesting, slightly maniacal commentary to everything I say.

With every iteration of the blog before this one (and Knoxville Knights which was a different thing) I have moved my posts with the new blog. I am not going to do that this time. The new is a fresh start with a slightly different perspective. I have some things I want to say and some of them may be controversial, but I am not going to do my best to make this blog a bit less immature than those that came before it.

Don't get that twisted. I am going to write about Dungeons and Dragons, comic books, board games, and on occasion I may go on a rant about boobs. I am still me, after all. I am just going to be mindful that the world has changed a lot even in the last 14 years. I am not independently wealthy and anything I say can and will be held against me. If you hold me appreciating the beauty of the human body against me I doubt we will get along anyway. I am going to aim for a balance of respectful restraint and telling it how it is. Seeing how long that lasts is going to be quite the adventure.

I was twenty when I realized that I really enjoyed writing. Come April I will be forty. Those two decades have taught me quite a bit. I expect that the coming days of my life will teach me even more. My hope is that sharing my thoughts, feelings, and experiences will be meaningful in some way. It has happened in the past. Almost nothing feels as good as someone telling me that they read something I wrote and were touched or changed by it. I don't expect that this introduction will do that. I still wanted to get this out of the way to move toward the good stuff.

If you feel any type of way about me or my writing reach out to me. I am not hard to find on Facebook, Twitter (Cantrelltalks), and Instagram (Cantrellwrites... although to follow the theme it should be Cantrelltakesphotos). I adore talking to people. You can also email me.

 For now I am going to go catch up on a few more comic books before recording the podcast in the morning. Hope you enjoy the blog.

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